Ephesians 5

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Are husbands therefore called to handle the spiritual matters of his wife just as Jesus does with the church? No. Jesus and the Holy Spirit handle all spiritual matters in the church, this includes the wife of the husband. What is Paul saying then? The next verse clarifies it a bit more.

²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

So, Paul is talking about the physical body concerning the wife. He’s using Jesus’ spiritual washing of our lives as an example of how husbands should treat their wives physically. 

²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body.

This is a beautiful way to demonstrate how husbands should love their wives. That word love used in verse 25 is the Greek word agape. It is the same word used in 1 Corinthians 13, that famous set of verses that begins in verse 4 with, “Love is patient and kind.”

Husbands are therefore called to love their wives in an agape love, just as Christ loves the church. Christ washes us with the word spiritually. Husbands should wash their wives with the kind words physically. Christ doesn’t abuse us spiritually with his words. Husbands should not abuse their wives verbally.

Christ presents the church without any spot or wrinkle, having no blemish spiritually. Husbands should not allow any physical harm to come to their wives. They should definitely not abuse her physically.

Husbands, if your wife or child comes home with a bruise on their leg… You should do everything in your power to find out what happened to them. Who did this? How can I protect you in the future? What can I do for you now? Having a spot or wrinkle of any kind should be unacceptable. And it should definitely not be done by your own hand. 

If a narcissist, who very much loves his own body, chose to also love his wife as much as his own body, he would immediately stop being a narcissist. This sort of repentance would lead him to be the most loving husband in the world.

But this is not so. The narcissist who claims to be a Christian will use whatever biblical verses they can to control their victims.

Did Jesus treat his disciples in an abusive manner? No! He gave them grace and mercy. He does the same thing for us, with the purpose of leading us to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Abusers might seem repentant. They could cry for forgiveness and grace and mercy and agape love and all of those many wonderful spiritual things. But do they give forgiveness or grace or mercy or agape love or anything kind and noteworthy? They are hypocrites.

Jesus was no hypocrite. He has called husbands towards the highest form of love for their beloved. The bible is very clear on what that is.