There is this tendency, when people are stuck in their ways, hiding high atop their ivory towers… really enjoying the fruits of this broken culture… a tendency to see everything as fine and to ignore the cracks. When cracks become impossible to ignore, they get angry, first with the person who brought it up. Don’t shoot the messenger though. We need powerful men and women who can speak out against the failings of this broken world. All is not right as many suppose.
Eventually, those ivory-tower-sorts with a discerning mentality shift their anger at the crack itself. But here they wish to fix the cracks and “make everything as right as rain” again. Human behavior is pretty predictable. When we get angry at things that are out of sorts, we smash them with hammers until they work again, not a clever methodology when attempting to fix the abused.
Polite society is very keen on trying to keep things posh. Anything out of the ordinary must be snubbed or kicked out. Of course the well-meaning types wish to help the victims, but sometimes that means making them normal again. That is, fixing them to be better people according to their abstract fancies and wants rather than the gospel and biblical truths God lays out in His word.
This makes it extremely hard for victims to find good help. This doesn’t have to be found through church sources. In many ways, the church is internally broken when it comes to helping victims. There are several resources that can lead you in the right direction though, even secular paths that unknowingly speak the compassion of Jesus.
That is what the ivory tower normies are missing… empathy and compassion.
It’s very important for a victim of abuse to take back their lives. When they are in a good position to find help they should be discerning and search for help that is in fact good. Darby Stickland suggests in her book, Is It Abuse that helpers need to:
- Allow her to express her emotions
- Make room to hear about the helper’s failings (we are far from perfect… so sorry about that)
- Be willing to patiently walk this road with the oppressed
I would like to add that you must be very focused on what you disclose to the helper. Tell them about everything that pertains to the abuse, but be cautious about opening up too much or too soon. Helpers should take their time with you before you bridge the gap to the deeper wells of your soul. They must earn your trust! So, focus on the abuse alone at first. Deeper things will swell up like a spring in their own time as you learn to trust.
Finding good help is about taking back control over your life. You are in the driver’s seat now. There are several institutions who are well-trained in how to handle these issues. Here are a few that Darby Strickland recommends at the end of her book Is It Abuse.
Be sure you are on a safe device before checking them out.
If you believe that you or someone else is in danger,
contact online, 24-7, at www.thehotline.org
or call 1-800-799-7233